WWW: Some excellent analysis and writing style is solid.

EBI: More book references (at least up to 30-40) and the paragraphs need to more interlink and cross over better. in adddition, aim for more reference to theories and more quotes embedded.   

Things to improve:

  • Use at least 30 footnotes in the next draft due after the holiday
  • Sort out footnote and bio.
  • Use more references to theories and books.
  • Look more on afrobeats and be more augmentative 
  • Link my wider contexts better through the paras
  • look into both contemporary and modern day audiences
  • Use some more ideology and  reference to the institutional music state more
  • Focus on adding more political and economical debates on the music industry.

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As the music scene grows, it seems the objectification of women within music videos has become glorified and exacerbated. This is deemed as problematic as inclusive genres to this topic such as Hip-hop and Afrobeats are regarded as  highly complicated and multifaceted genre which are rooted and heavily revolve around complex social and political commentary, dating as far back to the 1960s and 1990s. Therefore the  lack of empowerment and the emancipation of women in the music industry is substandard. This is symbolised and particularly evident in NSG's music video 'Yo darling' featuring Geko. The music industry fundamentally provides a platform, not only for the young black youth to self-identify but to also raise awareness to wider discussions and issues of universal themes that have been pre-discussed and established by revolutionary music rock n roll and afrobeats artists such as Fela Kuti and the Little Richard. The lack of balance between black males and females’ re
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http://www.thefader.com/2017/04/26/jae5-interview-j-hus-producer-did-you-see-common-sense https://www.theodysseyonline.com/sexual-objectification-women-music-videos https://medium.com/@moni_ach/objectification-of-women-in-hip-hop-music-videos-8c37489ceb7f http://www.news24.com/MyNews24/Women-objectified-in-music-videos-20130802 Sometimes in music videos, the woman’s face is not shown. Instead, her body becomes a showpiece and is put on display. It depicts her as not having an identity or a sense of individualism thus, reinforcing her role as a sex symbol.   “Women’s bodies are often dismembered and treated as separate parts, perpetuating the concept that a woman’s body is not connected to her mind and emotions,” states the sociologist, Erving Goffman in his book, Gender Advertisements. For example, certain body parts like the woman’s breast, her buttocks or her legs would be emphasised. This relates to the notion of sexism with reference to canting (to lea
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  Salma Mahamed Mr Bush Media Y13 Coursework                          “So grab a gyal, yo darlin Gyal mi like de way you be movin” To what extent does the Afrobeats/Hip Hop hybrid genre reinforce an unrealistic and negative representation of women, with specific reference to the track 'Yo Darlin’’ by NSG ft Geko. As the music scene grows, it seems the objectification of women within music videos has become glorified and exacerbated. This is deemed as problematic as inclusive genres to this topic such as Hip-hop and Afrobeats are regarded as  highly complicated and multifaceted genre which are rooted and heavily revolve around complex social and political commentary, dating as far back to the 1960s and 1990s. Therefore the lack of empowerment and the emancipation of women in the music industry are substandard. This is symbolised and particularly evident in NSG's music video 'Yo darling' featuring Geko. In other words,“Women are increasingly becoming slave
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