WWW: Some excellent analysis and writing style is solid.

EBI: More book references (at least up to 30-40) and the paragraphs need to more interlink and cross over better. in adddition, aim for more reference to theories and more quotes embedded.   

Things to improve:

  • Use at least 30 footnotes in the next draft due after the holiday
  • Sort out footnote and bio.
  • Use more references to theories and books.
  • Look more on afrobeats and be more augmentative 
  • Link my wider contexts better through the paras
  • look into both contemporary and modern day audiences
  • Use some more ideology and  reference to the institutional music state more
  • Focus on adding more political and economical debates on the music industry.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DRAFT NUMBER 1

As the music scene grows, it seems the objectification of women within music videos has become glorified and exacerbated. This is deemed as problematic as inclusive genres to this topic such as Hip-hop and Afrobeats are regarded as  highly complicated and multifaceted genre which are rooted and heavily revolve around complex social and political commentary, dating as far back to the 1960s and 1990s. Therefore the  lack of empowerment and the emancipation of women in the music industry is substandard. This is symbolised and particularly evident in NSG's music video 'Yo darling' featuring Geko. The music industry fundamentally provides a platform, not only for the young black youth to self-identify but to also raise awareness to wider discussions and issues of universal themes that have been pre-discussed and established by revolutionary music rock n roll and afrobeats artists such as Fela Kuti and the Little Richard. The lack of balance between black males and females’ re...
Read more

Draft 5 for the critical investigation

Salma Mahamed Mr Bush Media Y13 Coursework Word Count:2,750   “So grab a gyal, yo darlin Gyal mi like de way you be movin” – Yo Darlin by NSG featuring Geko To what extent does the Afrobeats/Hip Hop hybrid genre reinforce an unrealistic and negative representation of women, with specific reference to the track 'Yo Darlin’’ by NSG ft Geko? As the music scene grows, it seems the objectification of women within music videos has become intensively glorified and exacerbated. This is deemed as problematic as inclusive genres to this topic such as Hip-hop and afrobeats are regarded as   highly complicated and multifaceted genre which are rooted and heavily revolve around complex social and political commentary, dating as far back to the 1960s and 1990s. Therefore the lack of empowerment and the emancipation of women in the music industry are regarded as highly substandard. This is symbolised and particularly evident in NSG's music video 'Yo darling' featuring G...
Read more

Critical Investigation: Task #5 Essay plan

Working title "To what extent does the music industry reinforce an unrealistic and negative representation of women, with a specific reference to the track 'Yo Darlin- NSG ft Geko' Hypothesis Women in the music industry primarily serve a single objective and this objective is to please the male viewership. (however within the essay, i will strive to show multiple sides of the argument, both agreeing and disagreeing with my statement) (Example/Point) the mass of the music industry is controlled by men therefore has a higher accurate representation of males within the music scene. In addition, the record label is dominated by males as well therefore the male viewership and concerns are valued more and prioritised. (Another example/Point) “American youth are being sold the concept that women and girls’ value lies in their youth, beauty and sexuality” Women and men are often visualised as hyper sexual beings in the media however we could argue...
Read more